I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
