Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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