Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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