So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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