the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
