Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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