and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
