this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize