I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
