My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
