oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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