Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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