At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Soap is not a condiment
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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