Welp...herpes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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