the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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