yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
