if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
