You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
