Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
