I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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