I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
