I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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