He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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