Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
