Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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