Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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