I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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