I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize