his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
