Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
