He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
