those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
two words...techno handjob
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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