My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
time to smoke my breakfast
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
