Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
