Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
