i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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