rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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