i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
