Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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