dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
