someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
