I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The air taste purple.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
