Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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