Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
