I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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