I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
