I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
