yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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