that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize