I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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