I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
