I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
