hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
