An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
