Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
