I wish you could order shots online.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize