Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
