I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
