false alarm. still invincible.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
