We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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