I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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