Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
