even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
