woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
