i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Its about making memories worth repressing
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
