he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
