I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize