I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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