I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
