I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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