i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
