OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
True college students do jello shots in the library
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
