You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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