Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
