there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize