You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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