You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize