There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
