Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
