i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
