The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
