She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
