I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
