It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Acid is not a monday night drug
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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