Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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