Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize