make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
