You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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