I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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