I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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