Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize