if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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