We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
